Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
