I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish my penis had an off switch
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
