I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
In America we eat man semen.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
