On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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