it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Holy sore nipples Batman
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
