Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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