Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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