I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
