Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
