The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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