Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize