Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
