So drunk, too bad you don't want this
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
