I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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