Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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