I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My ass is underappreciated
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The power of my boobs compel you
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