She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
