btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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