I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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