I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
