you win again, gameday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
