Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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