Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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