His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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