I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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