So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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