maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
