Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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