Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
