did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
