I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
