Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
