you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
