I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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