I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
