thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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