yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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