I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't notice because vodka
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
