She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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