omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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