I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
zippers are such a cool invention
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
how does that bad decision feel?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
