so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
