She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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