i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
