after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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