there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
