I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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