on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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