I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
