You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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