i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My liver just had a heart attack.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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