We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When are your genitals available?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
