We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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