He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
