if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
