sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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