love makes seman taste better
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
