And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
