my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
