The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
