I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
