I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
