i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize