I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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