My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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