Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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