someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
