Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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