When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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