i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
