I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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