if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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