I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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