I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
