Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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